As this topic has been floating around in my head and my heart, the above title came up over and over again. I can’t recall exactly who it was that told my now 7 year old child this phrase but I am certain it was one of his many teachers throughout the years and most likely one from Promiseland Preschool. He was always told, “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit” Usually in regards to what color cup they got or if there were different snacks which one he would get. The point was everyone will get something so don’t throw a fit about what you get, just accept it.
It got me to thinking about my relationship with my husband. Now don’t take that the wrong way. I love my husband more than anything on this earth and I never feel like he is “just what I got”. He is the man for me. He is my soul mate, my provider, the father of my children. We were molded together from the beginning and we fit so perfectly together. The part it did get me thinking about is the things I knew about my husband in the beginning and that he knew about me from the beginning of this journey together. And how in some ways we have to accept what we are given and not throw a fit about it. Because, is it worth stealing your joy because you or your mate do not meet each others expectations?
I will jump right into my examples here. My husband knew pretty quickly into our marriage that I was not a very good house keeper. He may have known sooner but I am sure it became abundantly clear to him with in that first year. One thing I have always known about my husband is that he doesn’t remember things very often, or usually at all. We have tried different systems over the years to help us out with that but nothing has really stuck. I live daily frustrated by this fact. My thought is” we already had this conversation why do we have to have it again. I told you where the children and I would be tonight. I told you we had this birthday party to go to.” I get overwhelmed at the things he doesn’t remember and I begin to take it personally. Like if anyone else had told him this information he would remember it or that I am not important enough to listen to. None of which is true and I know this. I know that remembering things is not one of his strong areas but that doesn’t make him any less of that amazing father and husband I mentioned earlier. And I knew what I was getting when I married him so can I really throw a fit.? 🙂
Now here is the flip side of that. I don’t think in my ten years of marriage that I can ever remember by husband griping at me for there being laundry piled up that needs to be folded, or dishes that need to be washed, or clothes that need to be washed or fridges cleaned out, or kids rooms organized or floors mopped or carpets vacuumed!! And even now that taking care of our home is my primary job and I am still not the best at it, he never speaks negatively to me about those things not being done. He actually does quite the opposite. When he sees that I am frantic because I am becoming overwhelmed with our home or all the tasks that need to be accomplished, he asks me to sit down with him for a minute or come in the living room and play with him and the kids as they wrestle. He never once has come home from work and said “what have you done all day this place is a mess”. He knew what he was getting when he married me and he understood that. He knows it is important to me to have a clean home but that I rarely have enough time in a day to get it all accomplished! And he loves me none the less.
I on the other hand can nag about something I knew about him from the beginning instead of taking his lead and being content, which is where my challenge lies today. We have all heard time and time again that we can’t change the other person. The only person we can change is ourselves and that is what I have done over the last year or so. I heard a couple talking on a radio segment about communicating to each other the most important things that needed to be accomplished each day. I sat down with my husband and I asked him these things. I asked him if I could only get to 3 things each day what would those three things be. What could I do that would make your day better? His requests were very simple: do the Laundry so that I have clean work clothes each and every day and make sure that each day you are doing something in the way of physical exercise for myself and our youngest. I don’t do so great at the last one but I have been on top of the first. He has his clothes clean and waiting for him each and every morning. Communicating with each other about what things are the most important has helped me see that he doesn’t see me as a degenerate that can’t even keep our home clean. He sees me as the mother of his children, his wife and soul mate and all those other things are tertiary to what I bring to our family.
My husband loves me enough to accept the things about me that he knew from the beginning and it is my goal to do the same for him. Will I get frustrated when he can’t remember what meeting I have on what night, probably. But I will continue to take this frustration to the Lord and allow him to show me what he wants me to gain from it instead of nagging my sweet husband about it. My husband who has been working all day to ensure our family has an income. I will praise him for the things he does well and not dwell on the things he does not do well.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in any circumstance. Phil 4:11
When you get in that rut, of thinking oh I must not be important enough because my spouse/mate did not do _____________ . Start to think of ways you can serve them and you will forget about the things they did not do for you or the things they didn’t remember so you had to tell them 10 times. But as Paul tells us you can be content with much or with little. The point is that you learn contentment with what the Lord has given you, your lot. You get what the Lord has given you and you don’t throw a fit.