Resolution Sessions: The Peaceful Wife

I am so excited and blessed to have this guest writer today. She speaks truth in such an encouraging way and I pray that her message blesses other women! You can visit her blog at

The Peaceful Wife’s Resolutions

For the first 14+ years of our 19 years of marriage, I was a very controlling wife.  I was a pharmacist.  I had always been a straight A student.  I had accepted Christ when I was 5 and was always very involved in church, read my Bible daily, prayed daily – sometimes 4 hours/day on my days off.  I was competent, smart, capable, overly-responsible.  I loved my husband dearly.

But – I knew I was “right” about … well… EVERYTHING really.  I knew I was “closer to God” than my husband.  I knew what “God wanted us to do” better than he did.  I knew best about how to handle the finances, the house, the children, extended family relationships… and – everything else.  I believed that if I didn’t make things happen “the right way” – our lives would be a total disaster.  In my quest to do everything the right way – my way – I inadvertently disrespected my husband constantly.

In December of 2008 – the “scales of disrespect” fell off from my spiritual eyes when I read Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book “Love and Respect.”  It turns out that husbands need respect to the same degree that wives need love.  I laughed and asked Greg if that could possibly be true – it was so crazy!?  He said, “Yeah, I’d say that is true.”  WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!  The first 14+ years of our marriage flashed before my eyes and I suddenly realized that even though I always thought I was the best Christian wife EVER – it turns out I probably had a D- on my godly wife report card.  God revealed to me that I did not just have a 2X4 beam of sin in my eye, I had a FOREST of sin in my eye.   For the first time in my life – I came face to face with the fact that I was a wretched sinner.  Turns out, I was BRIMMING over with PRIDE, self-righteousness, idolatry of SELF, unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, disrespect for God and my husband and others…  YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I wanted to go live in a cave for the rest of my life and never say another word to anyone.   I suddenly realized that almost every word out of my mouth was sin of some type or another.

God began to deal with my sin.  He began to teach me to be a godly woman and wife.  I realized I had to throw out everything I thought I knew about being a believer in Christ, a godly woman, a godly wife and about marriage and start over from scratch on the foundation of Christ and His Word alone.

Over the next 2-3 years, I resolved to:

stop asking God to change my husband and only seek for God to radically change ME!
die to self and live with Jesus as LORD.  It is no longer about me and what I want and my wisdom.  I lay down everything I have and all that I am before Jesus daily and submit totally to Him.  I seek His will now and His glory alone.  I laid down my many expectations.
learn what it meant to respect my husband.  There was a whole world of masculine respect I knew nothing about.  I thought I had been respectful because I didn’t scream, cuss, call him names threaten divorce, throw things (except for that ONE time I threw a pair of CLEAN panties at my husband and they did not come anywhere close to hitting him).  But what I did do was criticize him often, lecture him, tell him what to do, looked down on him, thought I was better than he was, complained, argued and expected him to always do things MY way.  So, I resolved to learn what respect meant to my husband.  No small task, since, at first, he couldn’t tell me what he thought was disrespectful or respectful.    Now, I build him up with my words, praise the good in him, tell him what I admire about him a few times per week, tell him that I appreciate ANYTHING he does for me, focus on the good in his life, refuse to look at his weaknesses, trust God to be my husband’s Holy Spirit and to work in his life to accomplish His purposes.  God empowers me to use my words to give life, strength, healing and power to my husband instead of using my words to destroy him the way I used to.
learn what God’s definition of godly femininity and being a godly wife was and live that way no matter if no one else does it or if it is weird.  I Peter 3:1-6, Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:3-5, Proverbs 31, I Corinthians 11:3-11.  Learn God’s design for godly masculinity.
learn how to biblically submit to my husband as the God-given leader in our marriage.
learn how to pray for my husband so that God will hear.
humble myself before God and others.
to forgive my husband and others and not hold onto unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness that grieved God’s heart and kept me a prisoner.
Now, instead of being anxious, worried, fearful and lonely most of the time like I used to be – I have God’s peace and joy every day. I have the power of heaven pouring into my heart to give me the ability to be the woman God desires me to be.  I am fulfilled, bursting with love and gratitude toward God and I am EXCITED to face the future in His power and to see what He has in store for me, our marriage, my husband and our family.

-The Peaceful Wife


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